What-ho my old beans!
I’m going to be murdered by my family for writing this post.
Sparked by a recent family birthday dinner which involved at least two of my family getting slightly brandybucked (nerd term for ‘getting drunk’).
So basically, I shall describe the most entertaining moments where I have witnessed drunken family members.
The epitome of hilarious drunken antics. I have two abiding memories of just pure drunkenness. The first being when we were sitting down having a family meal in the evening. Utterly no clue how much alcohol had entered his system, yet he proceeded to become louder and louder. Then, as drunk people do, he knocked his wine over onto the table. Of course, we scolded him; this then became a mixture of outrage and laughter as he began to lick the wine off the table. It was… interesting.
The second memory was during a festival in France where he got rather carparked (as he must be in order to consort with the Frogs) and took my mother off for a dance. A dance of truly spectacular fashion. Needless to say, I walked away at this and pretended I was of no relation to them.
This is the one I am going to be killed by, for I believe he now in fact reads my blog…
Either way, I have not actually seem my Uncle drunk that many times. He was one of the members of the aforementioned birthday dinner who happened to get drunk. I think what’s most entertaining about my drunken Uncle, is the contrast between his sober demeanour opposed to it’s drunken counterpart.
As a sober man, he keeps up a rather somber appearance. He is usually polite, occasionally slightly snappy (especially with family), but more or less quite nice company. Now, when he gets drunk (which doesn’t take much; there is a family expression about him: “you could open a packet of wine gums in Sheffield and he would be drunk.“) he becomes over-the-toply (can I use that as an adverb? Fuck it, I’m going for it) sociable. At the birthday dinner, he resorted to attempting to communicate with a poor, perplexed waitress in an extremely thick (and terrible) Yorkshire accent. Once again, that was an interesting experience.
Those are the two main entertaining drunkards of the family. Another honourable mention (which she is going to maim me for) is my sister. Though I have not witnessed her utterly wasted, I have heard the stories of throwing up. I have also experienced the sound of her chucking up delightfully into a toilet. That was both scarring as well being highly humourous (it also donated many opportunities to tease her for me).
There you go. Drunkard family members. Do any of you have any entertaining stories that you wish to divulge to us? I’m sure your family wouldn’t mind… that much.